I guess I’m posting here because I want to say this somewhere that people will actually understand. It’s one thing to tell your significant other, friends, etc., but none of them really know what it’s like to start this journey again. Some of y’all do. It also helps that you’re strangers, so… no real judgment or anything, I guess?
EDIT: I’m looking into alternatives to keto, since I realize that’s not necessarily the healthiest way to lose weight.
Anyway, I’m 29M and I weigh ~530lbs.
In April 2016, I weighed 533lbs (which is the highest number I ever saw on the scale, but I may have weighed a bit more). I saw a picture of myself and was just… well, disgusted. I was pretty happy, I think, but obviously I was having some difficulties. At 25, you shouldn’t really have mobility issues, but I did. At the time, some friends of mine that were also obese started doing keto, so I jumped on that bandwagon — it was my first time actually trying something to lose weight. Prior to that, I just tried to change some habits, but I didn’t make an actual effort until then.
It worked. I counted my macros, had fun with the foods I could eat, tried new recipes, and was really enjoying it. I didn’t exercise at all – everything was done through diet. In April 2017, one year to the day, I had lost 160lbs. I went from 533lbs to 373lbs; from a 50″ waist to a 42″ waist, and a 5XLT shirt to a 3XLT shirt. I gained confidence, and I started to actually like how I looked, which was super-foreign to me. (Yes, I realize that I have some self-love issues, which I’m working on with my therapist.)
I got a boyfriend (who’s amazing, and I love him), and I was doing pretty well in life. We went on a vacation in October/November 2017, and between that and Thanksgiving and Christmas, I put on 50lbs, which was… frustrating, to say the least. I realize that it was lack of discipline on my part, and not really understand how much a slippery slope “oh well, one cheat day won’t hurt!” is, but I learned from it and was ready to move on.
In March 2018, I had lost a total of 170lbs (well, more than that, given the ups and downs, but I was at 363lbs, which is 170lbs less than my highest weight). By September, I had lost 190lbs (down to 343lbs). I was really happy with things.
Around October 2018, work puts out a bowl of candy. I gave in – for the entire month. And then I felt depressed about it, so I used that as an excuse to keep overeating into Thanksgiving, Christmas, and into the spring. Around March 2019, I started feeling a little bit more like myself, and despite having gained about 60-80lbs in that time (I was depressed, so I didn’t weigh myself at all, so I’m just guessing), I was ready to start keto again. I did, and it lasted a few weeks, until I went on vacation in mid-April 2019. During that vacation, I received some pretty devastating news that kind of fucked up my entire life in a major way. I won’t go into the details, but I basically lost an entire community that I had been part of for 15+ years overnight. It was a huge blow to my life, and I did not have the spoons to get back on my diet, so I didn’t.
Over the past six months or so, I’ve noticed that I have a lot of mobility issues – climbing stairs is a huge endeavor, the idea of walking a few blocks to go somewhere is exhausting, and I run out of breath doing super-simple things. I think that I can do things, and I can’t. I rely a lot on my partner, but he isn’t my caretaker. He understands that I’m having a hard time, but he’s pretty healthy himself, so I don’t think he really gets it, and he shouldn’t have to.
Right now, I’m in a good head space. I’ve been in a good head space for a couple of months, despite the mobility issues and the frustrations that come from that, but I’ve been afraid to start again for fear that I’m going to fail. Because, honestly, I don’t know if I can handle it if I fail again. I’m sitting at my desk at work right now typing this all out, looking at pictures of myself to see what I looked like, and I’m so happy to see myself looking like that. And then I look at pictures of myself now, and I’m terrified. But I can’t just keep being terrified. I can’t keep making excuses, hoping that it’ll get better when I know it won’t.
In 2020, I’m going to start keto again. I did it all before without any kind of exercise whatsoever, but I’m going to try and do a little bit as I start keto (and by a little bit, I honestly mean a little bit – we got Ring Fit Adventure for Christmas, and I’m thinking of doing that on the lowest setting possible – if not that, then I’ll just walk around my office a little bit more during the day). I’m going to try this again. I’m going to be open and honest with my partner and my friends so they understand exactly what I’m doing, but I’m not going to make them my accountability police. I need to be accountable to myself, and I know that I can do that, because I’ve done it before.
Any comments/suggestions/support/advice/etc. is more than welcome. I really hope to become part of this community and share my updates with y’all. I’ve seen some great stuff in here, and it’s part of why I’m at a place now where I feel that I can do this.