It’s been a while and a lot has happened since I last haunted these parts! I finally had some loose skin removed from my stomach and arms and I’m now almost 8 weeks post op and feeling really good. It’s surreal not having my belly pouch resting on my thighs when I sit down or feeling my arm skin flap around when I move. I’ve honestly never felt so good about myself and feel prepared to tackle the remaining weight loss because obviously I’m still carrying some visceral fat.
I was very recently called fat by someone close to me. They didn’t outright say, “you’re fat”, it was insinuated in a convulated way. But anyway the message is the same, that person purposefully intended to hurt me with a word that they felt holds power over me. Initially my thought process went like: “how could they say that to me? After everything I’ve been through. I can’t believe they would say that”. Then I stopped, because I was internalising their problem and actually… I don’t give a shit. They insulted me and that comes from a THEM issue, not a ME issue. I was perfectly happy prior to that interaction.
I just want to clarify that for me the word fat is an adjective. It’s neutral. It means nothing to me other than to describe a body type, the same as slim, stocky, skinny etc etc. It wasn’t always this way; being called fat used to sting like being slapped in the face. It used to be embarrassing, especially if it was said publicly and other people heard because it was like being exposed. I KNEW I was fat, but I didn’t want everyone else to know and by being addressed as fat in front of others my secret was out. That was a bad place to be mentally and it has taken years to address a multitude of thinking errors.
And you know what, who actually fucking cares man. There is a lot of bad things to be in this world and fat is not on that list. Do not let other people’s words and actions hold any kind of power over you. You’re so much more than a shitty little word, whatever the insulting word may be to you. People lash out for various reasons and the majority of the time it has absolutely nothing to do with you.