I always want to be comfortable and stay in a routine, yet i yearned for adventure and living a for filling life, yet i was too scared to live, i still am at times.
48 Months ago i attempted to take my life. It’s really hard to continue living, or trying to better ones life when you have truly convinced yourself that the only escape, or betterment is taking your own life, that there is no escape, that you can’t ever feel the joy that life can give you. What just really sealed it for me, was that i used to be pretty athletic, i loved to run when i was a teenager, yet here at the age of 20 i was obese, i was self harming myself, i wasn’t doing anything with my life and to top it off i’ve lost it all. I couldn’t even look at the mirror without being ashamed and disgusted by letting my self go. But yet i decided to give it another go at life, to try and get better, so without knowing i started a long journey of recovery, so this was the beginning to what would eventually lead to my weight loss journey.
For the next 2 year i kept improving mentally, but there was one thing i was unable to shake off, that was my weight. It’s honestly was so embarrassing, its as simple as eating less right? Not really i wish it were true, but the people who told me that were so wrong at that time, losing the weight was the hardest thing I’ve done in my life. With each failure i almost guaranteed learned something new each time about myself that no amount of googling, or advice from anybody else could give me. My mind would try to trick me, try to rationalize and convince me to get myself back to the old me. Eventually all the tricks were something i was familiar with, i knew all the excuses or me trying to cheat myself with the diet. But with each failure i also kept on gaining more weight, and finally my health was beginning to take its toll with my new gained weight each time, but i was finally ready.
I still remember this day, and i still go back to it every once in a while. I was late up at night, and i, by some odd reason was recommend a video on Youtube, called The Why Running 100 Miles. Crazy right? No way anyone could run a 100 miles, but i’ve always loved running. When i was 16 i wanted to run a half marathon in my local town, but unfortunately i got sick and was unable to run it, so my passion for running has always been there. And throughout my years of being obese i’ve always wanted to run. And so finally 23 months ago i began the final attempt, my final journey after all the trial and errors it seemed as if i was finally ready to embark on my last journey to success. For the next 13 months i went from 203 lbs to 134 lbs, from around 92 kg to 62 kg. With my weight loss i started running again more regularly as my joints could take my body weight for the first time in 7 years, bliss.
So i’m 24 years old and i always wanted to run my local marathon, it’s been 8 years since my dream came to a stop for being unable to run my local marathon, yet in 2019 i finally did it! Here is a progress picture!
4 years ago i would have never, ever imagined a life like this, seriously it would be a fairy tale. If i could time travel back in time and tell my old self this, i would not for a moment believe it myself. Yet here i am aiming for a even bigger and more meaningful life for 2020.
Running is my life, and my passion. All i can ask for you guys and girls is to chase your passion and dreams, i used to be really scared to die, not because of death being the scary thing, but knowing i never actually lived, now that’s changed If i died today it would be okay because, i for once lived on my terms. I just hope that i can perhaps move someone who’s at rock bottom to give that one try again at life with my story. Now please go and live life on your terms, one that you deserve to live.
Reminder, English isn’t my mother tongue and i hope my story isn’t too confusing, again apologies for that.