Today, my childhood bully resurfaced to inform me that, had I been hotter in school, he would have been nicer to me. : loseit

Today, my childhood bully resurfaced to inform me that, had I been hotter in school, he would have been nicer to me. : loseit

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I spent much of my childhood being horrifically abused and tortured by my parents. At a young age, I learned that I just felt better when I was eating so I did it, a lot. At 11, I hit 200 pounds and school quickly lost it’s place as my safe haven when the school bullies saw my gut, my glasses, etc. I was targeted by one person particularly badly. We’ll call him “Bill.” Bill and I go way back. All the way back to grade school in fact. Our familes spent time together, our parents were, well, more acquaintances than friends and Bill was a grade ahead of me while his brother (his polar opposite who was always nice to me) was in my class. Some of Bill’s favorite pastimes were slamming me into lockers, chasing me home with rocks, constant belittling and name calling. He smashed stink bombs against my backpack almost weekly and would laugh with the other kids, claiming I finally smelled better. Tripping me, pushing me, telling the teachers lies to get me in trouble. He really had it out for me and I didn’t know why, still don’t. I know his dad was an abusive alcoholic so even though he was horrible to me, I tolerated it because I knew he had it just as bad, if not worse, than me at home. Fast forward to today. I’m 36. I somehow survived everything with only mild ptsd, a moderate level of anxiety and a healthy food addiction. After reaching a high weight of 515, I realized I was slowly killing myself and I needed to fix it. So I did.

I’m now 231, the lowest weight of my adult life. Bill has been on my friends list for well over 10 years. I didn’t really talk to him. Mainly just added him after he requested me because I’m GREAT friends with the rest of his family. For ten years, while I was huge, Bill never spoke a word of apology. Not once. He never even asked to see if I was doing ok. I did message him a couple times after he would post scary statuses about killing himself. I always reached out to ask if I could help but he never responded. Today, I posted a new picture of myself on FB (the one of me next to the horse on my Reddit) and surprisingly, Bill wrote me but it was not at all what I was expecting. I apologize ahead of time for the grammer/punctuation but for the quote, I’ll simply copy and paste and not change anything.

Bill’s “Apology”: “The thing I wanted to tell you is you remember how I used to be when I was a kid right I mean I wasn’t all that good s*** girl I’m telling you if I knew what I knew now and wasn’t such a high up dick as a kid I would have hooked up with you then just to be with you now you know I’m not saying that you were really bad as a kid or anything like that I’m just saying you turned out a lot better looking than I ever thought you would have and you look pretty good girl I don’t know what you did for yourself but you look very good I just wanted to give you a compliment and tell you that and I’m sorry for the way I did treat you as we were kids you know but you did very well for yourself you look good keep it up”

I didn’t respond. I can’t bring myself to. Am I crazy or is he insinuating that, had I been more attractive in school, he would have been nicer to me?? Possibly even tried to “hook up” with me?

The Message..

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